Top Chef: Seattle Recap
By David Mumpower
January 16, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
What was learned last week is that Tesar was disliked by the rest of the competitors. I had wondered if the editing was presenting him as less popular than he was. The cooking community is insular and generally affable. Top Chef has featured a few villains over the years yet even Stefan and Josie have made friends on the show. Given Tesar’s respect in the industry, I believed that he could have been presented poorly to create controversy. Alas, there was much rejoicing at the news of his removal.
Particularly noteworthy is that several players he seemed to like such as Brooke experienced schadenfreude. Joshua, who sometimes acted like a friend to John, sandbagged the dude at Judges Table. And even Stefan appeared gleeful over the turn of events despite the fact that he is now the oldest remaining participant. Apparently, John Tesar is not only the most hated chef in Dallas but Seattle as well.
Today’s episode starts with more gloating. Joshua dances on the grave a bit. Then, Stefan notes that one less player is good news for his candidacy. What would be even better for his candidacy would be cooking better. Stefan of season 5 was a much more formidable foe than Stefan of season 10.
Speaking of people who feel contempt toward John Tesar, Wolfgang Puck arrives. He is the guest judge of this Quickfire challenge. I had presumed he would be too busy driving the Puckmobile over Tesar’s corpse but a chef does not become world famous without exemplary time management skills.
The challenge requires chefs to create a meal using the primary ingredient of ginger. The catch is that there is a 15 minute time limit for the meal. It takes me 15 minutes to grill a cheeseburger so I have no idea how they are going to create a gourmet meal in that time frame.
With John gone, there is no drama. Nobody steals ingredients or knocks an opponent out of the way. All they do is cook as quickly as they can. Most of the dishes look pedestrian, which is to be expected because of the time limit. Puck, the nicest man in the world when John Tesar is not around, finds a way to compliment all of the contestants. His charisma is so powerful that it could trigger a cold fusion reaction.
The bottom group is not surprising. Stefan had commented that Sheldon’s dish appeared like lowbrow Chinese restaurant fare. Puck confirms the supposition by stating almost those exact words. Joshua is also informed that his dish, a dessert, was “the opposite of overwhelming." His horrible mustache droops in shame.
The best dishes during the Quickfire are presented by Brooke, Stefan and Lizzie. There are a couple of noteworthy elements to these selections. Brooke describes an anecdote about how her parents took her to Puck’s restaurant, Spago, when she was 17. The memory is tender and Puck’s positive reinforcement thrills her. Meanwhile, Lizzie is thrilled to be back on the top after the dubious fish in the prior Elimination challenge. Also, Stefan speaks German, which pleases Puck. In the end, Brooke wins for her bold squid dish. I have no idea how someone can create a flavorful squid meal in 15 minutes so Brooke deserves the win for accomplishing this feat.
Restaurant Wars!
Oh wait, I am technically a week early. Restaurateur Danny Meyer, who helped mold the career of one Tom Colicchio, is the special guest judge for the Elimination challenge. He informs the chefs that they are preparing for Restaurant Wars. The catch is that rather than grouping together immediately, each chef has a different assignment from previous seasons. This time, they must create a restaurant concept and prepare a thematically appropriate meal that sells the concept. In addition to the regular judges, the customers at Bite of Seattle, a huge annual event in the city, also get to sample the fare.
Padma Lakshmi announces that this challenge will conclude with a pair of winners, both of whom will earn $10,000. They will also be the captains for Restaurant Wars in the next episode. We can start placing bets on Brooke vs. Kristen in about 20 minutes.
Most of the chefs compose great ideas for their meals. Micah goes an entirely different way with it. He describes the dietary change he made that enabled him to lose over 20 pounds. His daily menu was altered to enjoy raw meats and fishes. His plan for a restaurant concept is to focus upon similar fare.
Stymied in an attempt to purchase raw meat at the grocery store, Micah chooses sashimi instead. He seems thrilled with the product and expresses confidence in his preparations. I am flabbergasted by this. I simply do not understand how a chef can impress the judges by not cooking any food for the Bite of Seattle. And I am not just saying this because I hate rate fish the way that Gargamel hates Smurfs.
Since the chefs have such pressing issues with their meals, the remaining eight players are allowed to share four sous chefs. Chrissy, Kuniko, Carla and Eliza make their return to the Top Chef Kitchen. Alas, any hope of Carla becoming an issue once again quickly vanishes. The four helper bees are seen and not heard for the rest of the episode. This is normal behavior for the other three women but a shocking change for Carla.
Tom also arrives in the kitchen. His mission is to investigate the planning phase for each meal. What he reveals with his comments is that he believes that Brooke and Kristen are head and shoulders above their counterparts. Tom even patronizes Stefan a bit about his struggles. And speaking of Stefan and the birthday curse from a few episodes ago, Sheldon turns 30 today! Uh oh. I love Sheldon. Please do not eliminate my Sheldon.
At Bite of Seattle, there is very little preparation drama. Nobody is in danger of burning anything, only one blender explodes in Stefan’s face and Carla must not be miked. The only interesting encounter occurs between Danny Meyer and Tom Colicchio as they reminisce about the good ole days. A shocking picture is shown of Tom; he had hair! He probably used shampoo and everything!
The gentlemen recount that their first introduction occurred at a “big food event." Tom wanted to impress the noted businessman. Colicchio crafted a sea urchin dish that still puts stars in Meyer’s eyes 25 years later. Our beloved head judge also notes that he still serves that dish in his restaurant. Clearly, their bromance has stood the test of time. It helps that they made each other insanely wealthy.
Let’s get to the food. Josh’s concept is Bistro George, named after his father. He produces a gorgeous plate of food. It is a seared eye of rib eye with cauliflower puree & mushroom red wine sauce. As a steak guy, I’m biased but this is one of the best looking plates all season. The judges are impressed by the comfortable nature of the dish. Josh is safely in the middle if not in the top group this week.
Lizzie presents a Northern Italian Farmhouse Kitchen. It’s quite as catchy as Chili’s, is it? Her plate of food is a mustard green canederli with fonduta & crispy speck. The bowl looks like that thing that walked off the table in Better Off Dead, only now it has wings and it is sitting in a dirty bowl. I…wouldn’t eat that. Dan Meyer thinks she has missed the mark while Tom likes the flavor but finds the dish too heavy. Gail Simmons points out the unappetizing nature of the food. Lizzie probably won’t win but she also should be safe from the bottom group.
After the Quickfire challenge disaster, Sheldon really steps up his game. His concept is Urbano, a modern Filipino restaurant. Like Josh, he is honoring his ancestor, his grandfather in this case. His presented bowl contains sour tamarind soup with pork belly, shrimp & snapper. The judges love the appearance of the dish yet are even more wowed by the flavor. Sheldon is going to finish in the top group tonight.
Stefan continues his befuddling run of indecisive cuisine. This time, he presents the judges with two dishes rather than the one requested. The idea for his German Thai restaurant is simple. He has a spicy Thai lobster bisque with shrimp dumplings, potatoes & radishes. It is followed by a cooling Bavarian cream mango lollipop. The presentation goes poorly. Gail is confused by the presence of two dishes. Then, Padma realizes that the lollipop is the same one he prepared in the Top Chef finale of season 5. Stupid Stefan is screwed. I fully expect him to finish on the bottom.
Up next, Micah’s concept is Raw. The dish he presents looks like garbage. I mean this in the literal sense. I took one look at it and my first instinct was to go get the mop and broom. What he has done is pile a bunch of foods on top of one another. The meal is salmon, snapper, himachi, squid, scallop & mackerel with raw vegetables. I have never said this before but I could recreate 95% of this dish. All that a person has to do is take the stuff out of the refrigerator and haphazardly throw it on the plate. The judges agree with me to the point that I fear Micah is in real danger of going home.
Kristen never disappoints and this is the latest example. The concept is classic French with a spin. Her dazzling plate of food is an onsen egg with camembert-mustard sauce & buttered radishes. I literally enjoy none of these flavors yet the dish is so beautiful that I would eat it. Every week, Kristen distances herself a bit more from the rest of the competitors. She receives compliments such as “wonderful," “nicely done” and “perfectly cooked." Kristen will be one of the captains of Restaurant Wars. I am 98% sure of this.
Guess who is running late! That’s right, Josie continues to be on the show, a mistake I hope will be corrected each and every week. It never is. Because of this, a bunch of aggravated Bite of Seattle patrons stand and watch her cook food, misfire in her attempts to be entertaining and fake-laugh awkwardly. Cancel the Josie Show, Top Chef producers. I’m begging you.
Josie’s restaurant concept is not Abject Failure, interestingly enough. Instead, she chooses Home 305, which I believe starred Marla Gibbs as a sassy housewife. Josie must be a fan. Apparently, the underlying concept is Miami and Miami means roast pork. Josie attempts to cook Puerco asado, black bean chorizo croquette, pickles & mojo sauce. I bet the judges hate it. Hey! The judges hate it. Micah, if you get eliminated instead of Josie, I’m strangling you with your own bandana.
Brooke takes time out from watching in horror as Josie fails (seriously) to present her concept, Un-Kosher. The idea is to prepare historically Kosher dishes with non-Kosher ingredients. That’s fairly brilliant. Her dish is a matzo ball soup with duck confit & toasted black rye bread. Surprisingly, the judges do not like the matzo ball. “It’s offensive to my people,” Gail quips. Hmm, I’m now dubious about Brooke being a captain for Restaurant Wars.
After the largely triumphant event is over, Sheldon, Kristen and Josh are invited to Judges Tables. Obviously, this is the top half of the draw so my Brooke vs. Kristen bracket is up in flames March Madness style. The judges warmly endorse all of the concepts but it is clear who the winners will be. Sheldon’s Urbano will face off against Kristen’s…vaguely named French thingy. They win $10,000 each while Josh is left to awkwardly stand there and pretend to be happy for them and not at all jealous. This segment really sucks for Josh.
An odd situation follows. The judges instruct Sheldon and Kristen to return to the waiting room and select their Restaurant Wars team before they discover who will be up for elimination. Kristen gets to pick first in the Top Chef draft and she quickly selects Brooke, meaning that Sheldon’s team is already in a world of hurt. He selects Josh; then, Kristen counters with Lizzie. Josh is left with Stefan and the dregs so he chooses Stefan.
This moment creates a fascinating quandary for Kristen. She will have an extra player advantage as long as none of her selections are eliminated. Would a player be better served with an additional chef if said chef is Josie? I say no. I am surprised when she selects Josie over Micah. I presume that she recognizes Micah is likely to go home and figures that a four to three advantage is huge in Restaurant Wars. Personally, I would rather have fewer players and no Josie.
The bottom group features one surprise. Lizzie rather than Stefan is nominated for elimination, where she joins Micah and Josie. As much as I cannot stand Micah, Tom’s tone makes it clear that he never understood Micah’s concept. It’s not only ill conceived but also lazy, surprising for such a hard working chef. Micah wanted to share a personal discovery that had benefited him in his life. The judges were not impressed and he is eliminated from Top Chef at the very moment he seemed to be ascending. Prepare to be strangled with your own bandana, Person Who Lost to Josie.
The news grows worse for Micah at Last Chance Kitchen. CJ has already eliminated six players in five challenges. He saves his best for this moment, though. For whatever reason, CJ comes up with the odd idea to pickle duck skin in order to enhance the flavor of his dish. The competition is already almost as soon as it begins. Tom Colicchio is so impressed by CJ’s creation that he notes it is CJ’s finest of the competition thus far. Micah presents a delicious dish that redeems him for the earlier raw food mistake but he loses to CJ. Micah is gone gone gone. I blame raw food, which nobody should ever eat.