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6) Tarzan – We’ll just go ahead and say it right now. Tarzan is probably going to the final. He’s exactly the kind of person that people want to keep around because they know they can beat them when it comes to the jury vote. This has become an all-too-predictable aspect of Survivor in the past few seasons thanks to Evil Loser Russell. People have come to realize that if they keep the worst, least deserving players in the game, they look far better by comparison. We’re not willing to put him up higher in the ratings because he’s not doing anything at all. He’s basically a rerun of Special Agent Philip.

7) Alicia – The only thing she has going for her is the fact that she is female, and the women’s alliance seems to be taking control of the game. With that said, she’s a horrible human being who is useless at camp and unpleasant to be around, too. She’s also proven that she can be treacherous, and we have to think that Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina are smart enough to suss out if she tries to make a move against them.

8) Leif – We think under different, non-Survivor circumstances, we would really like Leif. Unfortunately, in Survivor, you have to do more than be a decent guy who’s pleasant to be around. He goes with the flow, which isn’t really helping or hurting him, but he’s an easy target.

9) Christina – She’s just there for the ride. She’s not any good in challenges (in fact, she gives up pretty easily), so Immunity is probably not an option for her. Honestly, it’s too late for the social game, too. Christina seems like a decent person, but she was always on the outside looking in no matter what the tribal configurations were. Not only is it virtually impossible for her to win this game, it’s also mostly inconceivable that she can make the final.

Previously on Survivor, people drank 7Up. Also, the women solidified their alliance and their position in the game by voting out another alpha male in Michael. The other alpha male, Jay, became alarmed by this turn of events and tried to figure a way to change his circumstances, but ultimately, he’s the last of two strong male players in a group that values weak players to take to the final.

Thus, It’s time to play “It’s Anyone But Jay.” Too soon? Check back with us in a couple hundred words.

Perhaps it’s appropriate that the episode begins with Jay talking about how he dreamed he was shot. Then, Tarzan approaches Troyzan to discuss the fact that they’re outnumbered severely by the women. Troyzan is still certain that Mike was the right choice, and confides that there is a hidden Immunity Idol out there somewhere. If they can get rid of Kim, Chelsea or Sabrina, they could change the course of the game.

Tarzan insightfully (?!) points out that Troyzan is going to need to win every immunity challenge from now until the end of the game. Troyzan’s blithe disregard of the seriousness of the situation echo’s Michael’s right before he was eliminated.

No Probst sighting in advance of the Reward Challenge. He must be busy buying new cargo shorts and stuff. Instead, the contestants will run their own challenge. There are two teams, Troy, Jay, Tarzan, Cat and Alicia vs. Sabrina, Kim, Chelsea, Leif and Christina. The challenge involves throwing some weighted ropes at a pole. The pole has various positions that are worth increasing numbers of points.

Troyzan takes it upon himself to be really annoying, meaning that he will serve as the Probst-style commentator for this game. The red team gets out to a good lead, mostly thanks to a great throw from Tarzan (?!). It proves to be insurmountable, and Tarzan has won his first Reward Challenge.

The winners take a boat full of rum, beer and coconuts to their destination, where they’re served up fish, chicken and crab. Of course, there’s some strategy, too. Jay confides to Kat that he was upset that Michael was voted out and is worried that his alliance with the Salani girls is no longer intact. He’s trying to hold strong to that alliance, but Kat seems noncommittal.

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